HOW TO BUILD SELF CONFIDENCE
WHAT IS SELF CONFIDENCE?
I’m just going to state it how it is. Self confidence can be formed by making a commitment to yourself and following through. Self confidence doesn’t just come from getting in better shape or success in other areas of your life. It’s way deeper than that.
Self confidence comes from internal development through investing in yourself.
Let me just give you the definition from the dictionary:
“a feeling of trust in one's abilities, qualities, and judgment.”
Have you ever thought of the moments when you feel the least confident?
We are always trying to become more confident, but how can we become more confident without analyzing the times where we lack confidence. It’s within those moments, we can understand WHY there was a lack of confidence.
…and you know I’m all about getting to the root of the issue.
The times that I feel the least confident are when I haven’t prepared, I haven’t stuck to my diet, I’m anxious because I’m trying something new or I’m entering a situation where I have made mistakes before.
To be more specific… I REALLY lack confidence when I go to the beach. I am constantly covering up and tend to fall into that comparison trap.
Let’s get even deeper… In that moment, where I am covering up, my mind is constantly pointing out what I dislike about myself and what features I wish I had like the other women around me. Maybe I wish my legs were smaller, that I was tanner or my arms were more toned. My mind goes in circles with this negativity and I feel such a lack of confidence that I forget to enjoy the beautiful beach.
That is where my focus goes BECAUSE of my lack of self confidence.
THE TRUTH ABOUT POSITIVE SELF TALK
I am a big believer in positive self talk, gratitude and affirmations, ok? BUT, when it comes to self confidence, you have to dig deeper than just saying nice things. We can say the kindest things to ourselves and be extremely grateful for all that we have AND still feel like crap, you know?
Listen, I’m not knocking positive self talk. We need to be mindful of our thoughts and self aware, so that we can STOP our mind from diving into negativity. Positive self talk, gratitude and affirmations are powerful. When they become part of your everyday routine, you really begin to see the positivity and feel the gratitude.
But, will telling myself that I’m beautiful and love my body ACTUALLY boost my confidence at the beach?
In my opinion… yes AND no.
SELF CONFIDENCE STARTS WITH COMMITMENT
Let’s bring everything full circle.
When you reverse engineer what’s actually going on in the moment where you feel the least confident, you can understand WHY and take action.
In my situation, I have been so focused on work that I haven’t had as much time to hit the gym and eat as clean as I’d like. That’s resulted in some weight gain in addition to other health issues. So, when I’m at the beach, I COULD feel more confident, but I made the CHOICE not to follow through on my commitment to my own self care, which left me feeling less confident.
There was a point in my life where I was in great shape and I still felt a lack of confidence. I made the CHOICE not to follow through on seeking help and taking action.
Both of the reasons I felt the lack of confidence are due to the same issue.
LACK OF COMMITMENT
It doesn’t matter why you feel a lack of self confidence. Maybe it’s at work, with a relationship or with yourself. One of the most powerful lessons that I’ve learned when it comes to boosting your self confidence is follow through on commitments to yourself.
When I am committed to my own self care and I follow through, I feel good. I feel more confident.
When I don’t follow through on my own self care, I feel bad. I lack self confidence.
Self care is just an example of the lesson that I am trying to get across.
HERE’S ANOTHER EXAMPLE FOR YOU
If I am committed to recording three podcasts in a day, yet I fail to follow through, I begin to lack trust in myself and my capabilities. If I would have followed through, I would feel accomplished and trust my work ethic. What happens is that we begin to doubt ourselves when we don’t follow through on our commitments. Self doubt and lack of self confidence go hand in hand.
I want to end this with another tangible story about when I started gaining confidence and had this realization.
I started gaining confidence when I went away to college. I was on my own and I had to do things for myself. For the first time, I was really relying on ME. When I first arrived at school, I wasn’t so confident. I made some amazing friends, but felt so out of place because I knew that school wasn’t my path. That left me feeling really confused and not so confident in myself.
I was dealing with a lot of anxiety, but was sick of feeling lost. I started investing in ME. I started committing to ME. I started putting structure into my life. Morning routines, journaling, practicing gratitude and creating check lists of tasks that I needed to accomplish each day. I would write down weekly goals. Some as simple as cleaning my room. What happened was interesting.
The more that I took time for me and followed through on that commitment to myself, the more self confidence that I gained.
I began to believe in ME.
I began to believe in my capabilities.
Follow through on commitments to yourself. When you feel yourself lacking confidence, try journaling it out.
ASK YOURSELF THE FOLLOWING WHEN JOURNALING
Why aren’t I feeling confident?
Is there a specific situation where I lack confidence?
What happens in my mind when I’m in that situation?
What is ONE change that I can make to improve the way that I feel?
Reverse engineer to understand the situation, figure out your thought process when it happens and go deeper into what actionable steps you can take to improve. Those actionable steps are the commitments that you will make to yourself.
You might not see a change immediately overnight, but when you continuously follow through on your commitments, you begin to build up that confidence that was lost before.
What helps you to feel more confident?